10 things I hate about psychics

by | Jul 21, 2015 | Featured, Rants | 9 comments

My brother has a new housemate. She’s a psychic. She can’t take out the garbage because she was attacked by hoarde of hungry rats in a past life.

Come to think of it, I was sucked up by a tornado 4,000 years ago which is why I hate vacuuming. And the pain in my tummy is certainly because I was a Samurai Swordsman who did that gory thing with knives. Nothing at all to do with blue cheese with pepperoni pizza.

 

I’m not putting down past life therapy. I have a ton of experience in that area. The creepy cult I joined at 18 was right into it. Their philosophy was if something’s bugging you, deal with it. 300 years ago or yesterday didn’t matter so much to them. Dealing with it was the point. I liked that part. What creepy cult, you ask? Same one a very famous movie star is in, you know…..that guy. 

 

My brother’s housemate is now a weekly feature in our texts. This week, she’s promised not to fill the house with spirits, but to keep them only in her room and as the house piles up in some kind of Mexican garbage standoff, she’s probably smudging it for bad energy.

 

Using a new age agenda to control circumstances or people is lazy.

Past life stories are perfect – there’s no evidence to back it up. Most of us are hard pressed getting through this life, without worrying about what happened 300 years ago. Most of us, if we get a splinter in our foot, will remove it fast, and get on with the business of walking. Others wanna limp.

 

Here’s ten things I hate about psychics:

 

1. Wearing crushed purple velvet, or velvet purple anything.
2. Saying, “I knew that was gonna happen,” after stuff happens.
3. Using catch phrases no-one gets, like “akashic records” or “off body chakras”
4. Wearing some third world’s mineral resources around your neck and wrists as abundance/peace/aura enhancing amulets.
5. Using intuition as a put down like, “She has a brownish stain in her aura.”
6. Consulting every card, crystal, and bird dropping for inner meaning.
7. Confusing patchouli oil with deodorant. One stinks – the other is deodorant.
8. Appropriating ten other cultures to appear deeper and more spiritually connected.
9. Giving psychic readings when no-one’s asked for them.
10. Blaming a past life instead of owning your stuff – yes I’m talking to you, housemate

I could go on, but I bet you have some fantastic ones of your own. Let’s hear them in the comments.

9 Comments

  1. Colette

    I seem to have missed this post. Glad I found it. My list is pretty much the same as yours. The past life one especially. Someone (unsolicited) once told me my fear of being out of my depth in water was from a past life. My reply was: No, it’s from my present life; I almost drowned in the sea when I was 14.

    Reply
  2. Tracey Dawes

    This is Gold! My list wouldn’t vary much – I would add ‘upselling’. After paying good money for a reading (which I don’t mind doing – have no issue parting with cash in exchange for someone’s expertise) they want to sell you crystals, or coils, or some other ‘thing’ you desperately need to ward off or correct who knows what.

    Reply
    • Denise Litchfield

      Hey Tracey – ooh , I’ve never encountered that before, but it could be a variation of: “I see bad energy around you – you could be cursed, so for an extra $200 I can remove it for you , or cast a spell to protect you, or dance around you with chicken feathers….”

      Reply
  3. Denise Litchfield

    Hey Isis, thanks for popping by – how funny/sad your story is. It’s hard when they are so passionate or self absorbed in their message and fail to spot the subtle signs that say, “hey, maybe not tell me this here, now!”

    Love that we can talk about it and raise some awareness and maybe help others to avoid those awkward forced moments.

    Reply
  4. Belinda

    A guy at work recently gave me an unsolicited reading thinly veiled as an attempted pick-up – he told me I had Pleiadean and Arcturian ancestry (and was a Queen no less!) and was probably ‘dropped straight from a spaceship to the earthplane’ when I was born… 🙂

    Reply
    • Denise Litchfield

      Oh – that’s a whole new kind of ICK. Don’t get me started on the alien stuff – lovely for the ego and no way to prove any of it. I’d love know how you handled that one!

      Reply
  5. Megan

    I was wondering.

    Reply
  6. Theresa

    Lol…I’ve NEVER been to one..(till one of our beautiful ladies did a small one for me, which was awesome) ..but all that flaky stuff would make me turn and run for sure…. hahahahaha love it!

    Reply

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I’m not your average psychic, unless cake eating, rescue dog loving clairvoyants who can’t cook rice are suddenly the new normal. Like Glinda the Good Witch, I believe you’ve always had the power, m’dear.

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